although i try not to think about certain things,
but at times, it would just hit me when i least expect it..
And once it starts, it wouldn't leave me for quite a while..
It reminds me how deeply hurt i am,
It makes me recall the words said..
and how the someone had done sth totally contradicting.
It brings me to feel so miserable and takes away my strength..
I will question.. how could he do this to me and hurt me like that..
And often i will wonder how things are now between them..
And i'm ashamed to say, It makes me hate that someone....
And yet now, i am strong enough to post this..
Because i turned to the Lord..
I knew what had happened always happen for a reason,
yet i did not know why i had to be Hurt like that..
Because it would be so hard to let go..
And when i felt i had been abandoned, as if i have not been heard,
i felt like i was all alone and my prayer seemed to bounce right off the wall...
He said : "Read My Word."
I did that and at first, nothing came to me..
And then as i read on in the Daily Bread,
the words caught me by shock.
I stared at it, knowing right away that its my Lord speaking to me..
I break down not because i was so sad.. not like earlier on in my miserable state..
But i really cannot predict when He would speak to me..
and the things He would say..
And right before me, it says..
The Holy Spirit, in His care of the Lord's work, often has to discipline us in order to develop us.
It hurts Him to hurt us, but we would be more hurt if we were not hurt by Him.
Father, though it hurts to be disciplined by You, we acknowledge that not to be disciplined would open us to hurts of the wrong kind.
Your hurts are healing, Your disciplines developing..
We are safe in Your hands.
Thank You dear Father.
And my burden was lifted right away.
The Lord never abandons us, never doubt that.
And i am so thankful because He hears me and answers my questions and doubts..
Because i know very well that in the rs, i hadn't been receptive to the Holy Spirit..
it was as if i had been "asleep".
And the Lord did what he did to help me develop..
I'm so thankful that the Lord did not abandon me, not once.
Praise the Lord! =)
